Why People Stay Single

Number One: Impossible Expectations

Impossible expectations are dangerous, especially when dating. If you're searching for a new partner, you may develop impossible standards. You try to find the perfect person, but no one, no matter how great, will ever be perfect. Thanks to those outrageous expectations, you stay single for years, waiting for someone that just doesn't exist.

But where do our expectations come from? There are a couple of reasons why people get extremely picky about their partners. The first comes from a lack of experience. If you've never been in a long-term relationship, it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what you're looking for. For example, you may imagine dating someone bold and outgoing, but in practice, their extroverted personality type may drive you crazy.

Past romantic experience, whether it's good or bad, teaches you what you need in a relationship. Bit by bit, you get a clearer idea of who you work well with and who you don't. Without these important learning experiences, you can only draw expectations from books, movies, and role models. You fantasize about a soulmate who's ideal in every way, but that perfect person is nowhere to be found.

A lack of experience isn't the only reason that people get picky. Let's say your previous relationship didn't end well. After breaking up, you listed all the reasons why you didn't like your partner. Now, you find yourself searching for their polar opposite. You set your standards so impossibly high to guarantee that nothing bad will happen in your next relationship. But if you're waiting for Mr. or Miss Perfect, you're gonna stay single for a long time.

Number Two: Rigid Routines

People expect some huge dramatic reason why they're still single. Do you think something's wrong with you? Are you looking for a reason why love has avoided you for so long? Hey, the good news is the truth is often much simpler.

All right, answer me this: how often do you talk to someone new? For most people, the answer is rarely or never. You get so wrapped up in your daily life that you forget to explore anything else. You spend time with the same friends, talk to the same co-workers, eat at the same restaurants, and shop at the same stores.

These rigid routines make your lifestyle feel stable, but they're damaging to any potential relationships. Routines are one of the most common reasons why people stay single. There may be nothing wrong with your appearance or your personality; you just spend too much time in your comfort zone. You never open your life up to new possibilities, so you don't meet anyone new. The less you explore, the fewer chances you have of finding romance.

Table of Opportunities

So what does it mean to get out of your comfort zone? Well, lucky for you, there are a lot of different options. You can meet people almost anywhere. Bars and clubs are not the only option. No matter what your interests are, there are countless social opportunities available. The hard part is putting yourself out there. It's convincing yourself after a long day of work to get dressed, dig up your confidence, and take a risk. If you can do that, if you can force yourself up and out of your comfort zone, you won't stay single for long.

Number Three: Reckless Attraction

Are you only attracted to the wrong kinds of people? Do you have a history of dating partners who don't treat you the way they should? You'd be surprised how common this problem actually is. Many men and women are drawn to emotionally unavailable partners in one way or another. These potential partners are a terrible match, yet you pursue them anyway. But in a few weeks or months, the whole relationship blows up in your face, leaving you single and hurt every time.

So why do you always fall for the people who make you unhappy? As strange as it sounds, you may be choosing a bad match on purpose. Unconsciously, you may be picking someone who isn't ready for an intimate relationship. Why? Because you may not be ready for one either. Without realizing it, you're picking relationships that are doomed from the start. That way, when each relationship does fall apart, you can spare yourself a little bit.

If you want to be part of a lasting relationship, you need to choose someone who wants the same thing. Find a partner who's not only emotionally available but also willing to invest in a long-term relationship. Otherwise, your bad selections will just come back to bite you, and you'll end up single all over again.

Number Four: Mental Hierarchies

Imagine you're standing in a crowded room when someone catches your eye. You think about introducing yourself when suddenly your head is flooded with self-doubt. You think to yourself, "I'm not good enough for this person; why should I even try?" Sure enough, that insecurity stops you in your tracks. You listen to the voice in your head and miss yet another opportunity for love.

Many single people spell out a hierarchy in their minds. When you see someone attractive, you measure yourself against them. You use metrics like height, weight, age, and status to decide whether or not you're good enough for this person. In those moments, the voice in your head starts to criticize you. It whispers things like, "You're not attractive enough" or "You're not confident enough," and the worst part is, you listen.

Your inner critic scares you away from romantic connections, but those hierarchies are all in your head. These shallow metrics are born out of fear, a fear of getting rejected. You convince yourself that you aren't good enough because you expect to get shut down. You expect to fail without even trying.

So if you want to stop being single, you have to swallow that fear of rejection. You have to ignore the rules and the hierarchies. When you're attracted to someone, don't let your inner critic hold you back. Because if you do, you're probably going to stay single.

Table of Self-Doubt

Number Five: The Pressure of Love

Is love your number one priority in life? Are you chasing romance with everything you've got? Yeah, I know it sounds backward, but focusing too much on love may be the reason you're not in a relationship. Romantic relationships can be a wonderful thing, but you can't depend on someone else to make you happy. Love is important; however, it's not everything.

If your entire life revolves around finding a partner, that relationship is doomed to fail. You've put so much pressure on finding love that any relationship will collapse under the weight. So before finding happiness in a relationship, you have to be happy with yourself. You can't depend on someone else to fill the void in your life because that pressure will only drive your partner away. So don't rely on romance; don't spend every waking moment searching for love. Otherwise, you may never find it.

Number Six: Insurmountable Walls

Have you been hurt in the past? Many people experience toxic relationships which change them for years to come. After a terrible experience, it's difficult to wrap your head around something new. Each time, you expect the worst. You find yourself worrying about the tiniest issues, paranoid you'll fall into the same traps and relive the same pain. Toxic relationships leave behind lasting scars, and those scars control your emotions and behaviors.

You may react to small triggers like holding someone's hand. If you're already afraid of commitment, romantic actions can dig up stronger, more painful emotions. And in those moments, your brain responds the way nature intended. Your brain is designed to avoid danger using a process called fight-or-flight. Just imagine you encounter a bear in the woods; in just a split second, your brain has to make a life-saving decision. Do I stand here and fight, or do I run as fast as I can?

Romantic relationships can trigger the same response in your brain. Old scars teach you to be afraid of both intimacy and vulnerability, so your fears build insurmountable walls in your mind which defend you from danger. Now, at first, those walls seem to be doing you a favor. They're sparing you from pain in the future, but your walls also prevent you from taking risks. And without taking risks, it's impossible to truly connect with anyone. Sure, you may stay safe and sound behind your walls, but lasting relationships depend on vulnerability. If you aren't ready to bring down your walls, then you're more than likely going to stay single.

Number Seven: Protecting Your Independence

Do you prioritize your alone time? Are you worried that a relationship will absorb your entire life? Many people, especially introverts, spend most of their time alone. You get absorbed in your work, hobbies, and passions. You enjoy the peace and quiet where you can dive deep into your own thoughts and emotions. And when you're alone, there's no one to consider, no one to think about other than yourself.

The idea of sharing so much of your time with someone else can be hard to wrap your head around. It's true that relationships are time-consuming, but you don't have to sacrifice your ambitions to find love. You can pursue your hopes, dreams, and aspirations with someone at your side.

That being said, relationships do require a bit of compromise. You can't have it your way every single time. For example, when making important decisions, you have to consider your partner's feelings. So if you're not willing to compromise or give up your time, you're better off living the single life.

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