Signs of Untrustworthiness

Number One

Selfish gains - Has anyone ever stolen your ideas? Maybe a co-worker went behind your back, or perhaps a friend recycled one of your jokes. They may have taken credit for thoughts they didn't have or an achievement they didn't earn. Can you trust someone who steals someone else's spotlight? Just think about what it means to steal credit from another person.

First and foremost, it's disrespectful. Taking your idea undermines the time and effort you put into that idea. When someone robs you of an accomplishment, they're sending you a message. They're saying their success matters more than yours. But stealing credit is more than just disrespectful; it's deceitful.

Stealing credit means lying to the world. These people deceive others to climb the social or professional ladder. They don't care who they double-cross. They don't keep track of how many people they've betrayed; they're only interested in their own selfish games. Now, of course, that's not how they seem to you. On the surface, they seem friendly and approachable, cooperative, and kind. If they need you, they're your best friend. But as soon as they're done, they'll throw you under the bus.

Number Two

Skeletons in the closet - Is it healthy to keep secrets? Most of the time, secrets make us seem shifty. We immediately distrust anyone who seems like they're hiding something. But honesty isn't always the best policy. On rare occasions, it proves that someone cannot be trusted.

Just take this situation: a new friend invites you to lunch. You've only spoken to this person a couple of times, so you're excited to get to know them. But you get way more than you bargained for. Over lunch, your new friend reveals all their secrets, all their troubles, all the skeletons in their closet.

Unfiltered honesty shows a complete lack of boundaries. At the beginning of any friendship, it's normal and healthy to keep secrets. You're not intentionally hiding information; you just don't know each other well enough. But what if your new friend spills every secret at the beginning? This person has little control over their words, actions, and emotions. They blurt out every personal detail. So why is that? Because they lack the self-control to keep personal matters private.

If this sounds familiar, this person may not be trustworthy. Today they're spilling secrets from their own life; tomorrow, they may spill secrets you trusted them to keep. Self-control plays an important role in mutual trust. If your friend doesn't have it, they cannot be trusted.

Number Three

The manipulative gossip - Gossips can be dangerous people. As soon as someone leaves the room, a gossip skillfully turns their friends against them. They spread rumors, they create drama and conflict. Why? Because, in the mind of a gossip, it's fun. Many gossips don't understand the value of trust.

They don't take their friendship seriously. They think of their friends as disposable or as tools. Sometimes gossips are just immature and careless. They gossip because they're looking for attention. They may not realize the damage they're doing until it comes back to bite them.

But some gossips create chaos with purpose and intention. These gossips treat their friends like playthings, puppets which they can manipulate however they want. They stir up conflict, they spill secrets, they make false accusations.

But here's the problem: most gossips are the suns at the center of their social solar system. Their friends cling to them because no one wants to get on their bad side. No one wants to be their next target. You may think you're immune to their careless cruelty, but you're not. When you leave the room, they may spread the same rumors about you.

So don't waste your time earning the trust of a manipulative gossip. If you know someone who spreads rumors about others, the best thing you can do is walk away.

Number Four

Secretive walls - What phrases tell you someone can't be trusted? If you hear this phrase, it can be a dead giveaway. Let's say you catch your friend doing something suspicious. You catch them sneaking around your room when you're not there. You suspect something strange is going on, so you ask, "What are you doing here?"

Instead of giving an honest answer, your friend says, "Why should I tell you?" Untrustworthy people use phrases like these when they get defensive. Your friend doesn't want to confess the truth; otherwise, they would have. They're trying to keep a secret hidden from you. The moment you hear this phrase, you know everything you need to know. Your friend has something to hide.

Number Five

Self-centered insecurity - You're walking down the street when a stranger looks in your direction. Immediately, you get self-conscious. You think there's something wrong with your hair or a stain on your shirt. You start panicking. You assume that this stranger is staring directly at you. But the truth is, they're just staring off into space. You're the farthest thing from their mind.

These anxious thoughts are normal. We all get insecure from time to time. It's also very easy to misunderstand the world around you. Most people are biased. They think their lives are more important than they actually are.

But untrustworthy people take insecurity to a new extreme. They interpret every passing comment as a slight or an insult. They think every conversation is about them. They get offended by things no one else even noticed. These people think the world revolves around them.

So why can't you trust them? Because they're too self-centered. They don't care about your life because they think their life is the only one that matters.

Number Six

Emotional avoidance - Do you know someone who avoids emotional conversations? Some people like to be private. They keep their personal lives to themselves, and there's nothing wrong with that. However, even the most private individuals break down their walls with the right people.

Untrustworthy people keep their walls high and strong. They don't let anyone in because they don't want anyone to know what they're hiding. But how do you know when someone is hiding behind emotional walls? Well, try to be vulnerable with them. Start a deeper, more serious conversation. You could open up to them about something that's troubling you. If they try to leave the conversation, their walls are up. If they keep the conversation focused on you, they don't want to talk about themselves.

Now, this might also take the form of eye contact—rather, the lack of it. If you try to make eye contact with someone and they simply never meet your gaze, they may be hiding something. Privacy doesn't make someone untrustworthy. But if a good friend is unwilling to be open and honest, you have every right to be suspicious.

Number Seven

Creepy curiosity - The next sign is unique to our modern era. Before meeting someone, you can almost always look them up. You can see pictures of them, their friends, and their family. You can learn about their likes and dislikes. With all kinds of accounts and profiles, anyone can learn about anyone.

But too much research can be suspicious. Alright, let's say you're meeting someone on a first date. You start talking about yourself, but they already know everything about you—where you grew up, where you went to college, what company you work for. If you ever find yourself in this situation, be wary.

Yes, all your information is posted online. They may say, "Oh, I was just curious, so I looked you up". But extensive research isn't just curious; it's creepy.

Number Eight

Undermining apologies - Untrustworthy people don't like to apologize. They rarely, if ever, admit that they're wrong. Even when they do, their apologies are insincere, backhanded, and even insulting. For family and friends, these apologies are frustrating and discouraging because this person is not taking responsibility for their mistakes. So those mistakes happen again and again.

So how do you recognize a fake apology? Let's say your friend insulted you out of nowhere. They might say, "I'm sorry, but you deserved it" or "I'm sorry, but it isn't my fault." In both of these examples, they're undermining their own apology. They're passing the blame. They're acting like they didn't do anything wrong.

If you hear apologies like these, just stay on your toes, because this person cannot be trusted.

Number Nine

Explosive feedback - Have you ever given your friend negative feedback? How'd they respond? Untrustworthy people get defensive quickly and easily. When they hear negative feedback, they rarely keep a cool head. Instead, they lash out. They get revenge by insulting or criticizing you, even if you were trying to help.

If your friend can't handle negative feedback, they're saying, "You can't be honest with me." If you can't be yourself with someone in your life, then you can never really trust them.

Number Ten

Emotional projection - This one is challenging to unravel, but it's one of the most manipulative signs on this list. Emotional projection is a psychological process during which one person displaces their feelings onto someone else.

Alright, let's say you're feeling insecure. You may accuse someone else of being insecure, thereby projecting your own emotions. The projector is often unaware of what's happening. They don't realize they're projecting their own feelings onto another person. So they never identify their own emotions. Without that emotional recognition, they never process or cope with these unconscious conflicts.

So how does emotional projection affect trust? Let's say your friend accuses you of something that doesn't make sense. They tell you that you're being too manipulative, but you don't feel angry or defensive. You feel confused. You think to yourself, "That doesn't really sound like me." There's a good chance your friend was projecting onto you. They saw a reflection of their own unconscious emotion.

They may have done it by accident. They may have done it on purpose. But emotional projection is a big red flag. This person cannot be trusted.

Common Signs of Untrustworthiness

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