Habits That Make People Dislike You

Number One: Tuning Out

Do you tune people out? This frustrating habit can instantly drive people away because people want to be heard. When they speak, they want to know that you're listening. They shouldn't wonder whether or not you're paying attention. If you're not, people may stop talking to you.

So why is listening so important? Let's say your friend is telling you about their day. They had a frustrating conversation with their boss this morning, and now they need to let off steam. Instead of listening to their complaints, you tune them out. You get lost in your thoughts and don't hear a word they're saying.

So what happens when your friend realizes that you're not listening? Instead of relieving their frustration, you're making it worse. As a friend, they trust you to be there for them, but you're not. Over time, poor listening skills can damage your friendship. It works the same way with strangers. If you ask someone a question but don't listen to the answer, they're going to assume that you just don't care. They'll stop liking you because you aren't showing interest.

If you're a poor listener, practice paying attention to the people around you. This bad habit can turn the world against you.

Number Two: 24/7 Questions

Some people talk about themselves way too much. They constantly tell stories and use "I" in every sentence. Naturally, people get annoyed at how narcissistic they sound. But what about people who never talk about themselves? In many ways, that's just as bad. It's weird when someone avoids talking about their own life.

Yeah, it's fun and easy to answer questions and talk about yourself, but a real connection has to be reciprocal. This comes from a 2013 study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. Researchers found that reciprocal conversations form the strongest bond. Sometimes you ask questions, and they answer, but after a few minutes, you should switch. Now they ask questions, and you answer.

This exchange has to go both ways, so when the conversation is reciprocal, it increases closeness, perceived similarity, and personal enjoyment. In other words, it makes the conversation more fun for everyone involved. So remember, it's good to ask questions, but questions can't be the only thing you say.

Number Three: Disguising Your Strengths

This frustrating habit is all too common in the world today. When an arrogant person wants to appear modest, they do something called humble bragging. It's like a brag disguised as a compliment or a complaint. People humble brag when they want to show off but don't want others to think they're bragging. They pretend like they're not actually bragging, but everyone knows what they're doing.

Let's say you drive a nicer car than your friend. You know that your car is much faster and more expensive than theirs, but you don't want to say it outright. So you say something like, "Hey, I like how quiet and comfortable your car is. Mine's so loud and sporty." On the surface, this sounds like a compliment, but in truth, you're bragging about having a nicer car, and your friend can see right through you.

This humble brag is intentional, and it's obvious, but many people do it without realizing. You may humble brag about your strengths as though they're weaknesses, or maybe you downgrade your most amazing experiences. Both of these can ruin another person's opinion of you. So here's a simple rule you can follow: if you think something is a strength, a gift, or a luxury, don't pretend that it isn't. As soon as you start pretending, others start rolling their eyes.

Number Four: Uncomfortable Secrets

Secrets bring people closer together. Sharing secrets is like telling someone you trust them, and that builds a stronger connection. But not all secrets create fast friendships. Some secrets actually push people away. So what separates a helpful secret from a hurtful secret?

Helpful secrets are interesting, funny, and only a little bit personal. It's a secret, but it's not something that ruined your life or brought you to tears. Secrets lose their power when they get too personal. Sensitive topics, especially early in the friendship, will scare people away.

Let's say you're meeting someone for the first time. You want to share a secret, so you spill all the details of your parents' divorce. That secret isn't fun, warm, or happy. The other person's going to feel awkward and uncomfortable because they don't know you well enough to care. So instead of getting too personal, just find a secret that leaves a positive impression.

Number Five: Suppressing Emotions

Do you try to act cool around new people? Do you act stone-faced and aloof because you don't want people to think you care? You may think you're acting cool, but you're pushing people away. This bad habit ruins your chances of making a real connection.

When you refuse to show your emotions, people have a hard time understanding you. They're not drawn to you because you don't seem interested or approachable. So instead of hiding your emotions, express how you feel and don't worry about playing it cool. If you want people to like you, you need to show them who you really are.

Number Six: Constant Kindness

Does it hurt to be too nice? Just like we avoid people who are mean, we also avoid people who are overly kind. This comes from a 2010 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In this study, participants played a social game with a group of controlled players. Some players were selfish and competitive; others were altruistic and kind.

So who do you think people liked playing with the most? It turns out people favored the selfish players over the unselfish players. Why? Because unselfish behavior doesn't feel genuine. When someone is too kind, we naturally assume they're being manipulative. So be selfish every once in a while. You don't have to be kind 24/7. In fact, constant kindness will only get you in trouble.

Number Seven: Excess Stress

Stress is contagious. When you spend time with someone who's stressed out, it makes you tense and anxious. So be mindful of the situation. Don't be shy to express yourself openly, but if you're dominating the entire conversation with nothing but your daily complaints and griefs, just stop doing this. It can be exhausting for people around you.

That's why people spend their time with friends who are calm, relaxed, and stress-free. But how do people know when you're stressed? One of the most common signs is sweat. Sweat is deterring for many reasons. It doesn't smell great; it doesn't look great. But it's not the sweat itself that pushes people away.

According to a 2013 study in the journal PLOS ONE, sweat is happily overlooked in the right contexts. Let's say you just went for a run. Exercising makes everyone sweaty. If you talk to someone right after working out, they're not going to care that you're sweaty. But what if you're sweating in the middle of a restaurant or someplace where people don't normally sweat? They'll know that you're stressed, and they'll know that you're nervous, and that'll drive them away.

Number Eight: Hiding Your Affection

Are you afraid to tell someone you like them? I'm not talking about romance. I'm talking about people you interact with every day: your friends, your neighbors, your coworkers. You may enjoy their company, but do you tell them how you feel?

Many people think their enjoyment is implied. They think other people know that they like them, but most people are unsure about their relationships, especially with people they've just met. So if you like talking to someone, tell them. If you think someone's funny, let them know. People respond positively to these kinds of comments, and more often than not, they return the favor.

Number Nine: Selfish Interjections

Do you shout out whatever you're thinking, even if someone else is talking? This bad habit can instantly ruin a first impression. No one likes to be interrupted. No one wants to hear you talk over them. They don't want to compete to be heard. Yet you may interrupt conversations on a regular basis. A thought pops into your head, and you suddenly stop listening. You're just waiting for your chance to speak.

As soon as that chance arrives, you jump into the fray, whether it's the right time or not. To make a better impression, wait until they finish talking. Let them complete their thought, and then feel free to jump in. If you feel compelled to say something, there are a few tricks you can use to hold yourself back. Biting your tongue, for example, stops you from blurting things out. It may sound painful, but this little trick can make all the difference.

Number Ten: Mistakes in Storytelling

Do you tell long-winded stories? You may not do it on purpose. You may ramble without thinking. Even if it's accidental, it can damage your relationships, especially new ones. Just think about the answers to these questions: when you're telling a story, how should you tell it? What details should you include? How long should you talk?

A close friend will sit and listen to a long story, but a stranger doesn't know you well enough. They don't want to hear you ramble for 15 minutes, and they don't want to hear the tiny details about your day. So before you get to know someone, keep your stories short and sweet. Otherwise, people will get bored. They'll feel trapped inside the conversation, and if that happens, there's a good chance they won't come back.

Summary Table

Habit	Reason People Dislike It	Solution
Tuning Out	People feel unheard	Practice active listening
24/7 Questions	Lack of reciprocity	Balance conversation
Disguising Strengths	Perceived as bragging	Be genuine
Uncomfortable Secrets	Causes discomfort	Share light-hearted secrets
Suppressing Emotions	Seem uninterested	Express feelings
Constant Kindness	Appears manipulative	Be genuine
Excess Stress	Stress is contagious	Manage stress
Hiding Affection	Unclear feelings	Show appreciation
Selfish Interjections	Interruptions are rude	Wait for your turn
Mistakes in Storytelling	People lose interest	Keep stories concise

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