Number One

Stop distracting yourself in the wake of a breakup. You might try to smother your feelings by constantly distracting yourself. You might suddenly adopt a bunch of new hobbies, spend way too much time with your friends, or try to bury yourself in your work. You find yourself doing anything and everything to avoid thinking about your ex, but you know what happens when you stop? What happens when you run out of distractions? Well, your ex is almost always the very first thing on your mind. Distractions do work for some things; they help you avoid cravings and resist the urge to be lazy. But when it comes to relationships, there's one big problem. When you distract yourself, you aren't actually processing your grief—you're just running away from the issue. It's no different than stuffing those negative feelings way deep down. You might feel better in the moment, but those feelings didn't disappear. They'll slowly but surely rise back to the surface because you never tried to reconcile what went wrong.

But how do we know distractions don't work? Breakups are so specific and diverse that they can be a challenging subject to study. But in 2018, a group of researchers put the power of distractions to the test. They looked at different ways to reduce feelings of love after a breakup. They gathered a sample of people who had just ended their relationships and tried out three different cognitive strategies: negative appraisal, self-acceptance, and distraction. It turns out distraction was one of the most effective strategies for short-term relief, but it was completely useless over time. Once that distraction faded, people felt just as much love for their ex as they did before. In other words, distractions won't help you move on from your relationships.

So, instead of avoiding your negative feelings, try to unravel them. Let yourself be sad; allow yourself to grieve. It helps to sit down with a friend or family member and really hash it out. Try your best to get to the root of the breakup and what you're worried about moving forward because the only way to get past those deeper issues is to acknowledge that they do exist.

Number Two

Sever connections. An object can carry a lot more emotional weight than most people think. A shirt, for example, can take you back to a vacation with someone you love. A trinket might transport you to a Christmas that you spent together. On the surface, yeah, they're just random objects, but they contain all kinds of memories and strong feelings.

After a breakup, the last thing you want is a constant reminder of the love you once shared. So, get rid of those sentimental items. It's time to sever any and all physical connections with your ex. Because each time you glance over at that little trinket on your shelf or wear that t-shirt you bought on vacation, you're gonna fall back into the same old patterns. You'll remember the person you lost, and you'll get stuck in the same rut all because you weren't ready to make a clean break.

It's time to open up a new chapter in your life, but to do that, you need to put the past behind you. You need to put the entire past behind you—not just the bad stuff but the good stuff too. Even if you aren't ready to throw those gifts away, at least get them out of your sight. Put them in storage or bury them somewhere in your closet. The point is to get those reminders out of your life because the longer you look at them, the longer it's going to take to move on.

Number Three

Paint a complete picture. So many people idealize their ex after a big breakup. They remember everything they're missing out on—all their best qualities, all the fun things that you used to do together. They imagine this picture-perfect image of their partner, but they forget one important thing: there was a reason you broke up.

Your ex wasn't perfect. They had flaws and shortcomings just like everybody else. When looking back on your relationship, you need to paint a complete picture. That means remembering the good and the bad because when you idealize your partner, those lingering feelings will stick around a lot longer than they need to. And to make matters worse, idealizing someone will also convince you that you've made a horrible mistake—that your breakup was the worst decision you ever made. But that couldn't be further from the truth.

So many couples fall back into old relationships out of pure guilt only to break up weeks or even days later. So, don't make this same mistake. If you want to get over a past relationship, then you need to stop idealizing the person, and you need to see things the way they really were.

Number Four

Contemplate your health. After an emotional breakup, there's one thing you can say for sure: for one reason or another, your ex was just not right for you. They might have put you down or made you feel insecure. Maybe your ex couldn't accept some big part of your personality, or they might have tried to tear you away from your family.

My point here is that your ex was a problem. They were making you a less healthy person, and that means your breakup—no matter who started it—will be one of the healthiest things that has ever happened to you. So, go back and reflect on all the reasons why your ex was a bad fit for you. Not only is reflection extremely therapeutic, but it also gives you hope. It helps you figure out what kind of person you really want to be with, and it shows you just how many new doors are waiting to be opened.

Number Five

Control your sleep. After a breakup, your sleep schedule often takes a turn for the worse. Either you sleep too little, trimming your usual eight hours down to a measly five or six, or you sleep way too much and feel perpetually tired throughout the day.

Both of these changes to your sleep schedule will have a serious impact on you and your ability to move on because unhealthy sleep patterns keep your mood down, your energy drained, and your enthusiasm at an all-time low. That's just what happens when you don't get enough sleep.

An easy way to move past a breakup is to keep your sleep schedule under control. Make sure you're getting at least eight hours every night—not two hours less and not two hours more. Even if you're feeling exhausted, you can't let yourself keep sleeping. More sleep isn't going to fix that constant feeling of fatigue because you're not actually tired. It's just that your brain is emotionally worn down. Since the breakup, it's been overwhelmed by stress and strong emotions, so your brain is going to have trouble getting started like it normally does.

That's why the best thing you can do is stick to a balanced sleep schedule and force your brain to follow suit. If you can keep that up, you'll have a much easier time getting back to normal.

Number Six

Reboot your routines. Your sleep schedule isn't the only routine that flies off the rails. Good habits like eating healthy and exercising regularly tend to fall by the wayside. Why? Well, because it's hard to feel motivated and disciplined after a breakup. It takes a lot of self-control to keep up those healthy routines, but emotional fatigue throws self-control out the window, so it becomes harder and harder to push yourself in the right direction.

Your partner might have also become ingrained into your daily habits. You might have cooked together or gone to the gym together. You might have gotten used to doing your routines with your partner at your side, and now that they're gone, everything feels different, and you can't motivate yourself to keep going.

If this sounds like you, it's time to reboot your routines. It's time to give them a complete overhaul to change up the time of day when you go to the gym, maybe, or start doing a whole new set of exercises. At home, just try cooking dishes you've never made before and find new people to enjoy your healthy routines with.

Think of these habits like any other object that your ex left behind. To move on, you need to sever those connections. You need to get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex, so reboot your routines and give your healthy lifestyle a fresh start.

Number Seven

Rediscover yourself. So, the last step of getting over a breakup is to think of your breakup as an opportunity. You can use all that time and energy to rediscover yourself—to find the version of you that existed before the relationship. The you that wasted hours on random personal projects. The you that didn't have to cater to anyone except yourself.

But while you're rediscovering yourself, there's one very important thing to remember. You need to stay single. After a breakup, many people fill that void by jumping into another relationship. A new partner might make you feel better at first, but this relationship is just a distraction, and it's going to hurt you in the long run because you're not giving yourself the chance to enjoy your freedom, embrace your real passions, or love yourself as a single, self-reliant person.

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