Did She Really Love You?

Number One: Missing an Idea

Does your ex actually miss you, or does she miss the idea of you? Hmm. In many relationships, partners realize they were never in love with you as a person; they had actually just fallen in love with a concept. They like the idea of you instead of loving you for who you are.

Now, on paper, you probably check off all of their boxes. You have the job and the car. They find you attractive, smart, and funny. They like your facts and figures, but when it came to your actual personality, they just kept trying to change you. They wanted to make you into something that you're not. At first, she may have said things like, "Hey, you're the perfect guy for me," or "I've been looking for someone like you."

She was looking for someone like you, but she wasn't looking for you. If your ex didn't like you for who you are, then she was never really in love. She was infatuated with an idea instead of falling in love with a real person.

Number Two: Constant Stress

What was the mood of your relationship? Were you and your partner happy and playful, or was your relationship stressful and argumentative? When love is not there, partners tend to suffocate each other. Everything annoys you about them, and everything annoys them about you.

This ever-present stress and tension, especially early on, means that there's no love in your relationship. So, it's no surprise that you're constantly fighting, creating distance, and taking breaks. Now, if that tension is coming from one partner and not the other, it means one partner is unhappy with the relationship as a whole.

In other words, if she was always creating conflict, if she wanted to fight more than she wanted to make up, there's a good chance she was never really in love with you.

Number Three: Familial Distance

One of the hardest parts of a breakup, especially in long-term relationships, is leaving behind family and friends. When you become intertwined in each other's lives, you build bonds with your partner's loved ones. You establish personal relationships with these people even outside of your partner. When the relationship ends, you feel like you've not only lost a partner but several friends too.

However, if love isn't there, she may have never bonded with the important people in your life. She may have avoided your friends and family or just never tried to get to know them. When you do finally break up, your friends and family may not miss her in the slightest because she never really bonded with any of them.

Now, on the flip side, you may never have connected with her family either. She may have kept that portion of her life a secret from you. She may have made dozens of excuses, almost like she was hiding you from the other people in her life. But maybe you only met her friends and family a few times during your entire relationship. Now, if this sounds familiar to you, there may have been something missing from your relationship.

Number Four: Total Ambivalence

When strong couples break up, romantic feelings will linger for weeks, months, or even years afterward. If you truly love another person, those feelings will not immediately disappear when the relationship ends. There's an unavoidable amount of grief, sadness, and frustration that comes with any serious breakup.

But what if your ex is ambivalent to your breakup as a whole? Their feelings for you seem to have vanished completely, and in their mind, you're just a stranger now, almost like your relationship never even existed. This reaction is common among people who were never really in love. That love never blossomed in the relationship, so the fallout is far less devastating.

But how do you know when a partner is ambivalent towards your breakup? Well, after breaking up, many couples continue talking. They may regularly express their lingering feelings for each other, even though the relationship has ended. You keep using nicknames, you preserve the same inside jokes, and in a lot of ways, you may talk like you're still together.

Now, if your ex was never in love, she'll talk to you in a completely different way. She will suddenly change her tune, treating you like you're not an important part of her life anymore. She may even ignore you, not because she's grieving, but because she was never really in love with you.

Number Five: Refusing to Fix Your Issues

Many partners, after a tough breakup, find ways to rekindle their relationship. They take some time apart to think about what went wrong, and then they try to solve their problems. That way, they can maintain a stronger relationship in the future.

When two partners love each other, they don't want to stay broken up. They find ways to be happy together. They're willing to make sacrifices and work hard on the relationship. But what if your ex isn't interested? What if she refuses to work on the issues that broke you up in the first place?

Now, if she has no interest in problem-solving, then she just doesn't want to get back together. She may not feel as strongly about the relationship as you do. Maybe her love for you was fated, or maybe she was never in love at all.

Number Six: Rapid Feelings

Did your relationship pick up steam right away? Did you get too serious without any real feelings behind your relationship? Many partners mistake strong feelings of infatuation for genuine love. They're swept up in the excitement and passion of a new relationship, so they imagine a stronger connection than there really is.

They're convinced that love is the only explanation. But as the dust settles, as the honeymoon phase begins to fade away, well, they realize they're not feeling love at all. These short and fast relationships fall apart at the drop of a hat. It feels like one day you're in love, and the next day you're complete strangers.

There may have been plenty of things she liked about you, but after the first wave of passion, a relationship needs love to hold it together. If your relationship dies as quickly as it starts, well, there probably wasn't much love to begin with.

Number Seven: Sense of Relief

Did she seem happy and relieved after your breakup? Does she say your separation was the best thing that ever happened to her? Partners often feel this sense of relief, like a weight off their shoulders, when a stressful relationship comes to an end. Why is that? Well, because her feelings for you were never really there.

Maybe she felt like she was forcing herself to stay in the relationship, or maybe her life was simply moving in a different direction. Either way, if your ex felt relieved when the two of you called it quits, well, then your relationship may not have been as strong as you think.

Number Eight: Forgetting Your Birthday

Even after a breakup, many exes can't help thinking about their partners. They often remember things like birthdays and holidays, and they use those occasions as excuses to check in, to say hello, and to make sure their ex is still doing okay, even if you two are not in a relationship anymore.

Ah, but what if your partner doesn't even bother remembering these important occasions? What if she lets birthdays and holidays pass by without so much as a text to check in? Now, if your partner doesn't mind letting these moments slip away, she may not have been in love with you. Chances are she no longer thinks about you, her feelings for you have faded over time, and she's completely moved on.

Number Nine: Moving On

Is your ex already dating someone new? Beginning a new relationship is a serious commitment and requires a large amount of emotional investment. After a strenuous breakup, most people don't have the emotional capacity to even consider a new relationship, let alone invest in one.

So, what does it mean if your ex is seeing someone new? Well, it means she got over you a long time ago. She can commit herself to someone else because her emotions weren't as invested in her relationship with you. This is especially true for brief passionate relationships which get serious way too quickly.

In the moment, it feels like your entire life is bound to this person, but as soon as you call it quits, you realize how little you actually invested in your relationship. It may only take you a few days to get over her because you were never really in love, and neither was she.

Number Ten: Searching for Signs

The last sign that she never really loved you is that you're watching this video. If you're suspicious of whether or not she loved you, she must have given you a reason. When someone loves you, their love is usually clear to see. They vocalize their feelings, they express their affection, they make an effort to be close to you, and share intimate moments.

The simple fact is you know your partner better than any video or list ever could. So, deep down, you know when something's wrong. So if you're looking for signs that she never really loved you, if you're questioning her feelings for you, your gut's trying to tell you something. Listen to it.

No matter where it comes from, there's a reason you feel this way. It's easy to go back and forth in your relationship, to doubt yourself and wonder if you're reading everything wrong. But no one understands your relationship better than you do.

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